Cherish Freedom

My Healing Journey From Mormon Ritual Abuse To Freedom

Warrior Princess for God February 5, 2014

Filed under: Art — cherishfreedom @ 11:12 am
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picture050

Feb. 5, 2014, pencil sketch

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Rebirth January 8, 2014

Filed under: Abuse,Healing,My Story,Poetry — cherishfreedom @ 8:48 am
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Rebirth, the life that comes

After death.

The changes, constant changes

Of my voice, my will, my strength

Struggling to break the barriers

of silence.

This journey is one of dead ends,

winding roads, twists and turns.

And heartbreak.

But heartbreak in the search for love

is only a rock on my trail.

For only with the deepest agony

The greatest joy comes.

I find my purpose!

To love and be loved

Sit on the snow-capped mountain

and look down on my life

To realize how far I’ve come.

My footprints have left my trail

I remember where I’ve come from,

And my triumph is my rebirth.

 

This is serious- Educate Yourselves!!! January 5, 2014

Filed under: Ex-Mormon,Ritual Abuse — cherishfreedom @ 3:33 pm
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If you care about me or survivors of ritual abuse and torture, what are you willing to DO about it? Your thoughts, prayers, and good wishes are nice- for you. They make you feel better, but they most definitely don’t help us in any way. Your thoughts don’t change our lives, exemplify love and hope, give a hand up. We are not charity cases. We don’t want your pity. We want a call to arms to end all ritual abuse/mind control/torture/CHILD abuse of any form! Do you care, seriously? Or just for a few minutes. Am I just a charity case to you? Or do you want to be my friend, my sister. I don’t want your pity, I want you to walk alongside me on this journey to free the slaves.

 

This is a call to arms. Educate yourselves, then others. Care and DO something about it. You have to figure out if you actually care or not. But I will not accept anyone on my team who is half-assed about caring and actually doing something real about these issues. We need warriors. We need empowerment, not charity and pity.

 

If you want to educate yourself about ritual abuse, start on the website below. And then hopefully you will care enough to take some real action against torture and injustice against children.

http://ra-info.org/

If you are reading my blog, it is because you are looking for some kind of information, you have a question, you need understanding. Please, go further. Please DO something. We all need you.

 

From Ashes to Fire

Filed under: Healing,My Story,Poetry — cherishfreedom @ 2:17 pm
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My Big Brother sat with me on the bus today

I wept with the love He showed me

The beauty in the world around me

And the truth of who I am 

How much I’m truly loved

 

My heart is indeed on fire now

And there is nothing I want more

Than to feel that kind of love

In everything I do

Everything I speak

Every choice I make

 

People may not understand

We are all human, all flawed

Abba, please forgive us all

And put fire in our hearts

 

Help us see through the “man”

In all of us on earth

Judgements, hypocrisies, lies and unbelief

You love us with the same fire

No matter how broken we are

 

Speak life to my dry bones and ashes

The wreckage of the past

Which my Brother took away

I know the truth now

And I weep with joy…

 

Man will always fail me

And I’ll always fail myself

Without You I would be dead today

But Your fire, Your fire

 

All I need is You, God

Its just You and me

Only You know everything about me

And breathe life back into me again and again

Only You, Only You, Only You

You’re all I’ve ever needed

 

 

 

the kid next door December 18, 2013

Filed under: My Story,Poetry,PTSD,Ritual Abuse,Torture — cherishfreedom @ 2:04 pm
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confusion grips the mind

dark clouds of fog

electric bursts

brain bursts

voice has been strangled

the evil ones draw near

as we scream silently for help

nobody ever hears

memories more real

than when the body was there

blood on the floor

blood on the wall

blood on the christmas tree

what is reality

cuz this is hell

always in a nightmare

far away but you’re so near

pray, pray, pray the devil away

pray the demons back to hell

but why do they linger

confusion, dark fog

can we sleep

and never wake up

torture is real

happens next door

but the world doesn’t care

about the kids dying

dying in every way

they know a different kind of love

their hope is death

the holidays are survival

reliving, remembering

as hope fades again

sleep, sleep, sleep,

it will be ok one day

 

Stitch by Stitch December 8, 2013

Filed under: Healing,Poetry — cherishfreedom @ 8:41 pm
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This heart, this heart that was broken into a million tiny pieces

You are holding it in your hand

Sewing it back together stitch by stich

Building up layers of skin

To replace the skin they tore away

You are my Creator

You are my hope

You are my healing

The pain of the past is dissolving

Forgiveness is when the past doesn’t hurt me anymore

Hook by hook, thread by thread

You are breaking the ties to the pain of the past

Miracles are real….I forgot for so long

Broken pieces of me becoming whole

The secrets come to light

You shine your light in all the dark corners

Your truth

Your LOVE

Heals all my wounds

Thank you Abba….

 

 

Living in Trauma Mode November 30, 2013

Filed under: DID,My Story,PTSD — cherishfreedom @ 5:46 pm
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The last few weeks (I think…) have been a hurricane of emotional, spiritual and real-life crises. Trauma is triggered all the time. Flashbacks, memories, alters all so confused, emotional and loud in the head. Need to find a home, NOW…its basically an emergency. It feels hopeless to me, but other people don’t think its hopeless. So confusing….not used to people who don’t even know me well treating me with such love and kindness. It really feels like the last few weeks have been a dream/nightmare. Both good and bad. Breaking me to a point I have nowhere to look but up. No one to talk to but Creator. Nothing to do but pray, and cry, and allow this body to shake and hold the teddy bear. Trying to give the body food, sleep, rest, warmth, gentleness, comfort. Past traumas are so triggered right now though, that the body doesn’t, or can’t believe it is safe. What does safety feel like? What does a safe home feel like? What is home? So broken that  only Creator and the “ordinary angels” around me can keep me afloat. The strength in myself feels like its been drained out, drop by drop, like blood, like life. Creator, I pray for a home and the strength to do what I need to do to fulfill my purpose. And safety, whatever that looks like. I am broken into a million pieces. I need a miracles, maybe a lot of miracles…but I know miracles are real now, and I know if I stay on my path, I will see more.