Cherish Freedom

My Healing Journey From Mormon Ritual Abuse To Freedom

Alice Walker, one of my heros, Thank You…. November 29, 2013

Filed under: Healing,Torture — cherishfreedom @ 1:14 pm
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Torture

by Alice Walker

When they torture your mother

plant a tree

When they torture your father

plant a tree

When they torture your brother

and your sister

plant a tree

When they assassinate

your leaders

and lovers

plant a tree

Whey they torture you

too bad

to talk

plant a tree.

When they begin to torture

the trees

and cut down the forest

they have made

start another.

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New Blog! Bad Robot Creations October 29, 2013

Filed under: Art,Healing,My Story — cherishfreedom @ 4:40 pm
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Hello friends!!

I have started another blog, to chronicle my journey from being a starving artist to (hopefully!) being able to supplement my disability income. I will post all the pics of my Bad Robot Creations there.
Please check it out!!!

http://www.badrobotcreations.wordpress.com

Love Bad Robot, aka Cherish Freedom

 

Runaway Feet September 14, 2012

Filed under: Abuse,Healing,My Story — cherishfreedom @ 2:23 pm
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This is an art piece I just finished. It is actually a picture of my feet, and I wrote words on paper, ripped them out and glued them on the picture. Then I drew on my feet with permanent markers. This piece is really exciting to me becuase it will be part of a larger project in which other women have also taken pictures of their feet and embellished the photos. The theme is basically “Walk a Mile in My Shoes”, and the art will be displayed publicly, and hopefully will help to educate people about some of the issues that women face in their lives.

I hope you like my feet!! hahaha

 

“Imagine a Woman” by Patricia Lynn Reilly September 6, 2012

Filed under: Healing,Poetry — cherishfreedom @ 9:53 pm
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Imagine a woman who believes it is right and good she is a woman.

A woman who honours her experience and tells her stories.

Who refuses to carry the sins of others within her body and life.

 

Imagine a woman who believes she is good.

A woman who trusts and respects herself.

Who listens to her needs and desires,

and meets them with tenderness and grace.

 

Imagine a woman who has acknowledged the past’s influence on the present.

A woman who has walked through her past.

Who has healed into the present.

 

Imagine a woman who authors her own life.

A woman who exerts, initiates, and moves on her own behalf.

Who refuses to surrender except to her truest self and to her wisest voice.

 

Imagine a woman who names her own gods.

A woman who imagines the divine in her image and likeness.

Who designs her own spirituality and allows it to inform her daily life.

 

Imagine a woman in love with her own body.

A woman who believes her body is enough, just as it is.

Who celebrates her body and its rhythms and cycles as an exquisite resource.

 

Imagine a woman who honours the face of the Godess in her changing face.

A woman who celebrates the accumulation of her years and her wisdom.

Who refuses to use precious energy disguising the changes in her body and life.

 

Imagine a woman who values the women in her life.

A woman who sits in circles of women.

Who is reminded of the truth about herself when she forgets.

 

Imagine yourself as this woman.

 

To My Best Friend… August 11, 2012

Filed under: Healing,My Story — cherishfreedom @ 10:50 am
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I heard a song that reminded me of us last night. I started crying and couldn’t stop. I hardly ever cry, I don’t let myself. I’m scared to cry, but last night I couldn’t help it, rivers ran down my cheeks and I was shaking with silent sobs missing you. I wanted to hold you, to have you hold me. I feel so ashamed for not talking to you, not calling, not writing, not even keeping in touch… Its just that it hurts so bad not to have you around anymore…hurts so bad that its easier to forget most of the time… But that song reminded me of sitting on the couch with you… of sitting with our glasses of wine and talking for hours. Of talking and laughing and understanding each other. It reminded me of you… It reminded me that my best friend is far away where I cant see her, and you are the only one I want to talk to right now… You are the only one I want to see. You are the only one I can unload to, who can make me laugh after I cry it out… I miss  you so much it hurts, and I miss you so much I cant even call you.

 

I have been in this new place I am trying to make a home for a little over a year now. I dont have anyone I would call a truly good friend let alone a best friend. There is no one who comes anywhere near you… I have been holding all the pain and hurt from the past inside this whole time. My life has been so damn serious for what seems like forever… I miss hanging out with my friends…shooting the shit, having a few glasses of wine, GETTING OUT!!! I miss having friends…

 

Starting a new life is so hard… Part of the reason I havent been in touch with you is that I dont want to tell you that I am not succeeding, or that I am not feeling good… I am doing so well in so many ways, but I have so far to go. I guess I dont want you to worry, I want to tell you that I am ok, and I cant lie to you…its still so fucking hard… I feel so alone….I am so alone…

 

I feel like such a freak in the world. The things I have been through are things most people have never heard of. Things most people probably could never imagine, and definately dont want to hear about. And those things are in my head all the time. In my nightmares every night, in my flashbacks every day… as much as I want to forget and get a mental break, I cant escape the thoughts of some of the most horrific abuse humans are capable of… My friend…you always believed me… You were never scared to hear about it, you were there for me in every way I needed you to be… I didnt always appreciate it at the time, but you were a true supportive friend to me, a ritual abuse survivor…

 

But our friendship was so amazing because it wasnt all focused on me or on my abuse, or the negative aspects of things. When I needed to talk about it a bit, or cry you were there… and then we would have some wine and cigarettes, and talk about other things. Big things like feminism, being a mom, being university students. And just whatever… We were so much the same… from such different backgrounds but so much the same in our beliefs it was amazing… and we laughed…

 

Being here, away from you is so hard. I am so damn homesick right now… Where I am right now, its not my home. I miss you, I miss my other friends, I miss my city… It hurts so much to be alone, to be on this journey of healing. I have lost everything so many times over in my search for freedom. There are times I just miss all the things, and especially all the people I have lost… I love you so much.

 

 

 

Song I’ve Been Listening to Over and Over… July 29, 2012

Filed under: Healing — cherishfreedom @ 6:36 pm
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Riot– Three Days Grace

(lyrics and youtube link)

If you feel so empty
So used up, so let down
If you feel so angry
So ripped off, so stepped on

You’re not the only one
Refusing to back down
You’re not the only one
So get up

Let’s start a riot, a riot
Let’s start a riot
Let’s start a riot, a riot
Let’s start a riot

If you feel so filthy
So dirty, so fucked up
If you feel so walked on
So painful, so pissed off

You’re not the only one
Refusing to go down
You’re not the only one

Let’s start a riot, a riot
Let’s start a riot
Let’s start a riot, a riot
Let’s start a riot

If you feel so empty
So used up, so let down
If you feel so angry
Just get up

Let’s start a riot, a riot
Let’s start a riot

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bxyzmGQPIFs

 

She Rises Up June 4, 2012

Filed under: Healing — cherishfreedom @ 10:19 am
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I’ve been finding it so hard lately to channel all the energy I have in a positive healing way, which is why I have started this blog. My hope is that I can not only have my own outlet to organize my thoughts, but that in sharing my thoughts with others I can build a community of supports as well. I hope I can help educate people on the issues that I myself have struggled so much with. And most of all, I hope that, through my writing, I can create some sort of change in the world so that the women and children escaping abuse after me can have an easier time of things…

I have been trying to escape for years and have basically been one of those girls who has “fallen through the cracks” in so many ways. But I’m a fighter, and I have always seen and spoken the truth. One of my favorite quotes is:

“Yes, I’ve caused myself a lot of grief. But that’s what a life acting on principle is all about.”

I KNOW I am not the only woman in this situation, trying to run from her abusers and not being able to stay safe… I want other women trying to escape to keep their hope, even though there seems to be no reason to. I often wonder why I should even keep trying, and I can’t think of a logical reason to. The reason I keep trying is that, deep in my heart, I know I was meant to get through the hell I was born into, so I can help other women get out of the same hell.

My heart is with these other women and children right now…