Cherish Freedom

My Healing Journey From Mormon Ritual Abuse To Freedom

I will never forget this sweet girl and her little sister October 19, 2013

November 28, 1994- October 21, 1998

I will be lighting a candle for Rebecca on the fifteenth anniversary of her murder, this Monday, October 21. It will burn all day and into the night. I had an idea, that if any of you would also like to light a candle for Rebecca and all the other child victims of ritual abuse, we might have a lot of candles for her this year… It would be amazing to hear if any of you are interested in doing this with me, and also maybe we can share our experience a little bit. Every year I remember Rebecca on my own in a special way, but it would be amazing if other people remembered her and her story with me. She is in a better place. I know Rebecca is ok now, but this day has become, for me, a day to also remember the other children who have suffered and died at the hands of monsters. Thank you so much everyone! Rebecca’s beautiful smile must be so much brighter wherever she is.
Love, Cherish Freedom

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Newspaper Article Quoting my Abuser Grandmother….. December 4, 2012

Just found this newspaper article I have never seen before… So fucking triggered and angry and I don’t even give a fuck the world should fucking know…. Dorothy Wight is my grandma and she is a fucking lying, abusive, evil person who is involved in the cult and will die soon and go to hell…. I lived with her and my grandpa Deloy in Mountain View and that’s where I met Rebecca and Sarah, Ferosa and Todd, and that is also where I was fucking abused in the cult by my grandparents. That is where the cult is huge and gets away with whatever the fuck they want, and no one does anything about it, kind of like Utah. Fuck you grandma, here it is….. You’re a fucking liar…. You’re a fucking abuser….

What a great surprise, finding this particular newspaper article from 1999 today….. And the cult is still getting away with whatever they fuck they want because no one with power to stop it believes people like me.

Ex-neighbors baffled over child’s death
Friends call Mom accused in beating ‘loving’

Dorothy Wight remembers how close Todd and Ferosa Bluff were as a family.

After the couple moved to the tiny town of Mountain View, Alberta, Canada, in 1996, Wight and her husband became their LDS home teachers. They visited the Bluffs on a monthly basis and offered to baby sit whenever the couple needed them.But “they didn’t go very long without their children,” Wight said. In almost two years, they only asked her to baby sit their two daughters four times, although they lived three blocks away and had become good friends.

“They were a young couple. They acted very loving towards each other and towards the children. They had a clean, beautiful house and seemed to take care of everything,” Wight said.

Which is why nothing that happened a month after Ferosa Bluff and her daughters moved to Utah makes sense to Wight.

It was Oct. 22, 1998, when 3-year-old Rebecca Bluff was found dead in the Holladay apartment her mother shared with Andrew and Suzanne Fedorowicz, a couple Ferosa Bluff had met in Canada several years earlier.

The three adults in the apartment told investigators the child had fallen down a flight of stairs the day before. They told police they didn’t think anything was wrong with her until she threw up after complaining of a stomachache, then fainted twice after being placed in a tub full of cold water, court documents state. She never regained consciousness after fainting the second time.

But an autopsy revealed the girl’s death had been caused by “multiple, non-accidental, blunt force injuries,” which prosecutors say amounts to torture.

The medical examiner concluded the child had been repeatedly assaulted — both sexually and physically — over a period of 24 to 72 hours using blunt, sharp objects. The girl had bruises all over her body, including her head, buttocks, genitals, and soles of her feet. There were also markings on her arms and ankles that indicated she had been restrained.

“Rebecca would have been in great pain during that entire time, and . . . she would have had substantial difficulty standing, sitting or lying down,” the charges state. “These injuries caused such profuse bleeding into and between the layers of the soft tissues of the body that Rebecca died from acute blood loss.”

During a search of the apartment, police found a “cat-o’-nine-tails-like cord” and a videotape showing Ferosa Bluff and Suzanne Fedorowicz involved in acts using a cat-o’-nine-tails whip, prosecutors say.

The medical examiner concluded that “the markings on the buttocks of Rebecca’s body were consistent with having been made by the cat-o’-nine device,” the charges state.

A week after Rebecca’s death, Ferosa Bluff, 27, Andrew G. Fedorowicz, 46, and Suzanne M. Fedorowicz, 46, were charged with murder, a first-degree felony; child abuse and sexual abuse of a child, both second-degree felonies. Prosecutors dropped charges against Suzanne Fedorowicz after both Ferosa Bluff and Andrew Fedorowicz waived a preliminary hearing in January.

Ferosa Bluff is being held at the Salt Lake County Jail on $200,000 bail, and Andrew Fedorowicz is being held on $500,000 bond. A jury trial for them is scheduled to begin Tuesday.

Through her attorneys, Ferosa Bluff has maintained that she had no part in injuring her daughter.

“There’s no direct evidence linking her with the crime she is charged with,” said her former defense attorney, Steve McCaughey, during a court hearing last year. “I don’t think anybody really knows what happened.”

Among those who knew the accused before they were charged, Jayne McHugh was stunned when she learned of Rebecca’s death.

In the early 1990s, McHugh, 39, and her husband, Shane, 41, were close friends and neighbors with Andrew Fedorowicz and his then-wife Brenda. The couples met at a church-owned cannery where they volunteered labor to prepare food that was distributed to the needy. They attended church in the same Toronto LDS ward and socialized frequently in each other’s homes.

Later, when the McHugh family grew to three children, the Fedorowiczes were frequent baby sitters.

“He was wonderful with the children. We never had any problems and we never worried about leaving them because he was a pediatric nurse,” she said. “If something had happened to me or my husband, it was agreed our kids would have gone to Andy and Brenda. To think of that now turns me cold.”

The two couples lost touch shortly after Andy and Brenda Fedorowicz divorced. The McHughs said they felt less comfortable around Andy’s second wife, Suzanne, also a nurse.

“(Andy) changed after he met her, big time,” Jayne McHugh said.

It was about the same time that McHugh remembers Andy Fedorowicz drifting away from the LDS Church, which he had joined as an adult. McHugh remembers Fedorowicz as being a faithful church member who possessed a strong interest in missionary and fellowship work. It was partly through that kind of outreach that he became close to Suzanne, later baptizing her into the church, McHugh said.

But Fedorowicz also had some of his “own” ideas about the LDS faith — ideas he said were tied to writings by early church prophets Joseph Smith and Brigham Young, according to McHugh. Fedorwicz would discuss those beliefs at length and in great detail, she said.

Fedorowicz’s teachings in his Toronto ward’s Sunday School caused concern among the membership, and he was released from his position, McHugh recalls.

It was in those classes that Fedorowicz befriended a young Todd Bluff, whose parents also attended the same Toronto ward, McHugh said.

“But I didn’t know that Andy was in contact with Todd as an adult, or that they had lived together in Mountain View,” she said.

McHugh last saw Todd Bluff at the Toronto temple with his mother — just weeks before he married Ferosa in 1991.

After the marriage, Todd and Ferosa Bluff moved to Mountain View, a town with a population of about 150 near the Montana border, where Todd worked in a nearby cheese factory. The couple lived there until last summer, when Ferosa Bluff moved to Salt Lake City.

A native of South Africa, Ferosa Bluff had lived in Toronto most of her life, McCaughey said. She attended nursing school in Toronto and earned a degree from the Toronto School of Business.

About the same time the Bluffs married in 1991, the McHughs saw Andy Fedorowicz for the last time. Shane McHugh helped Fedorowicz fix his car. The next they heard, Andy and Suzanne Fedorowicz had moved to Florida.

The Bluffs told Wight they were planning to move to Salt Lake City and that Ferosa Bluff was going ahead to get established. “I think (Todd) would have eventually followed. I had no reason to believe that they were anything but happy together. I don’t think she left him,” Wight said.

Prior to leaving Mountain View, Ferosa Bluff asked Wight to baby sit for a few days while she came to Salt Lake City to apply for a job. Later, Ferosa Bluff changed her mind. The Fedorowiczes came from Salt Lake City to get her, and she said she and her daughters would be staying with them.

“When she decided to take the children with her, I thought that was the solution to that problem. We had no reason to be suspicious of anything at all,” Wight said.

She didn’t visit the Bluffs after August 1998, but did visit with Todd Bluff whenever she saw him at the grocery store. When Todd Bluff returned from Salt Lake City after getting custody of his 2-year-old daughter, Sarah, in November, he called her. Salt Lake County Sheriff’s detectives investigated whether Sarah had also been victimized, but found nothing on which to subtantiate charges.

“He sounded quite well under the circumstances,” Wight said. “There’s a lot of people in the town who will help him and be supportive to help him get through this, if he allows them. Everybody will help take care of Sarah, I’m sure. She needs some stability.”

 

To Rebecca October 20, 2012

Filed under: Healing,My Story,Rebecca Bluff,Ritual Abuse — cherishfreedom @ 8:20 pm
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 My Dear Sweet Little Rebecca,

 

You will always be little, for you were taken from this world when you were only three years old. I knew you for only a short time, but I was involved in the cult that you were born into too… The abuses that you suffered, I suffered as well. Rebecca, you were so special, I knew  you in dark times, but you and I and Sarah spent some beautiful hours together in the country, playing. I was still a kid, you were three and I was thirteen. And beautiful little Sarah was just two. I still have some pages out of a colouring book that the three of us coloured together, and I cherish those… they are already yellowing, after fourteen years, but I am saving them, they are the only part of you I still have. I keep your picture safe and look at it often. And every single year on the date of your death I do something special to remember you Rebecca…I never ever forget you on October 21. For the last thirteen years I have remembered you on this day, and tomorrow I will remember you too…I remember you every day Rebecca…but I always do something special on October 21.

 

Your death and your story has affected me in ways I can’t even describe…What you went through…I went through too. I have wondered so many times why some of us children die and some live, when we all go through the same things, basically… I have wished it was me that died, I have felt guilty for living, and felt guilty, for wishing it was me who died…I know you are safe and happy and ok now Rebecca… I just want you to know I remember you every day…

 

I know that you are watching over your sister Sarah…. I remember Sarah every day as well as you… I have wondered where she is this whole time. I have been praying for her, hoping she is ok, hoping she is happy… I wish I could see her, make sure she is ok myself… I think about her all the time, every day. I know you are ok now Rebecca, but I have never known what has happened to Sarah. I know she wouldn’t remember me, but I still care about her, and think about her, and hope that she is safe and happy and not alone… I remember Sarah every year on October 21 as well because something happened to her too that has changed her life… I hope she knows that there are people that remember, there are people who care, and people who think about her. I send you my thoughts and prayers Sarah….I hope you know you are not alone…and I remember…

 

Rebecca, I am sorry about what happened to you. I am sorry that you were born into a situation where your family was involved in such evil things, you had to suffer such torment and die at their hands… I am sorry that you were all alone during your last weeks, and you had no one to comfort you and take care of you and make you feel better… I am sorry that the world wasn’t a safe place for you, even as a little baby, and that you never even had a chance to be a little girl, or a teenager, or a woman… I am sorry that it was your own mommy who hurt you, and killed you, and I am so so sorry that she wasn’t there when you needed her to protect you and take care of you and help you…. I am sorry that it took so much pain and brutality for you to die… I am sorry that even years after your murder, your family is denying what they really did to you…

 

Rebecca, I love you and I will never ever forget you for the rest of my life… I think about you every single day, and I think about your little sister Sarah every day too. I have a tattoo of dandelions on my right arm, where I see it everyday, and that is partly because of, and for you Rebecca… I know you are safe and happy now. Please look out for your little sister…I will remember you tomorrow, like I do every year. I love you Rebecca.

 

Ferosa Bluff Parole Hearing Recording (Link) June 8, 2012

Filed under: Rebecca Bluff — cherishfreedom @ 6:29 pm
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A friend just sent me this link… The parole hearing for Rebecca’s mother took place in October 2010, and I didn’t know this but apparently there is a recording of it… here is the link…  I am shaking. I haven’t gotten up the courage to listen to it yet. This is bringing up many old memories for me… But for anyone who is interested, please listen, and comment…

http://fruhwirth.podbean.com/2011/02/16/ferosa-bluff-parole-hearing/

 

I Remember Rebecca Bluff June 6, 2012

Filed under: My Story,Rebecca Bluff — cherishfreedom @ 11:21 am
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I’ve already posted my poem Monsters, which I wrote as a teenager, shortly after Rebecca was murdered. Not many people know the story of Rebecca and how I knew her, so I will write a bit about her. I have also posted the link to many of the old newspaper articles about her murder and the trial to the right under Abuse Links.

When I was 14 years old I lived with my grandparents in the country, where it was very isolated, and the abuse I suffered at the hands of people within the mormon church was quite extreme. Rebecca was also a victim of this abuse. I was alone much of the time with my grandparents, but occasionally Rebecca and her younger sister would come over for an afternoon and I would watch them while their parents went into town. I have always loved children, and being raised mormon, I was always around them! Rebecca and I became very close, and we spent a great deal of time together outside. My favorite memory with her was picking wildflowers and showing her the frogs by the pond.

I didn’t know Rebecca for long, but our bond was strong because not only did we spend good times together, but our pain at being abused in the same ways was shared. I understood her and tried to be a safe person in her life. I moved back to the town where my parents were, and she moved to the US with her mother. A few months later she was dead.

Her death had a devastating impact on me… it was the first time in my life that my abuse had been validated in any way at all. Publicly, someone was saying that this little girl, that I KNEW, that I was abused with, was dead, and that it was WRONG. I cried for years, not only for Rebecca but for myself too. And I think for all of the other little girls like us. I was never sure if it was Rebecca or me who was the lucky one…was it better do die young or suvive this life of torture? I felt a horrible sense of guilt, that I lived and she didn’t, that I couldn’t stop it, that I couldn’t prevent it for other kids…

I believe now that Rebecca is at peace. I know that I have found peace with her death. I have never ever forgotten her story, not even for a single day. She is with me always. I want to make the world a place where, when little girls are being abused in this way they can reach out and tell someone, be believed, and be rescued. They should never have to die. They should never have to grow up their whole lives being abused.

Please read Rebecca’s story, and find out for yourselves the realities of the situation for women and girls in our world. Horrible abuses and torture are happening in our own backyards, and the majority of the world is ignoring it. Ignorance is what allows this abuse to continue to happen, and little girls like Rebecca to continue to be abused and murdered.

 

Monsters (For Rebecca) – May 1999 June 5, 2012

Filed under: Poetry,Rebecca Bluff — cherishfreedom @ 7:52 pm
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Standing naked and alone in the

cold, empty room of her life

Her heart beats-

yet she does not live

Surrounded by the grotesque monsters of vile pain

Tortured by them who break her,

body, mind, and soul.

She is but an innocent child

Struggling to hold on to the rope of life

But her grip is lost

and she is gone from this world

Beaten by the suffocating monsters of evil

whom she knows so well

Now, safe in the arms of death.

Here only a short time

She is gone.

Finally she walks again in green fields

picking wildflowers like old times

Free from the monsters that held her hostage

Surrounded by the comforting blanket of longed-for peace

And I stand here all alone.

—Rebecca Bluff was murdered October 21, 1998. I wrote this poem in my grief for her suffering and death. Rebecca is one of the reasons I want to tell my story… little girls shouldn’t be abused, and die like she did…