Cherish Freedom

My Healing Journey From Mormon Ritual Abuse To Freedom

The Pace Memo- Ritual Abuse Within the Mormon Church January 6, 2014

Filed under: Abuse,Ex-Mormon,Mormonism,Ritual Abuse — cherishfreedom @ 9:17 am
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Cherish Freedom

I will let this website link speak for itself, as I am quite emotional about this topic at the moment. All I have to say is, this is what happened to me. It is real. The mormon church has been covering it up for decades. I am sharing this information on my blog because I know that there are other women somewhere out there who are also trying to escape this torture and abuse, and I want them to know they are not alone… I also want people in our world to know that things like this really do happen.

To anyone who doesn’t believe this, that is fine. I am not trying to convince people who are not interested. My purpose is to educate people who ARE interested, and hopefully to reach out to other women who have also been abused as I have.

Here is the link to…

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I don’t understand November 11, 2013

Filed under: Ex-Mormon,Mormonism,PTSD,Ritual Abuse — cherishfreedom @ 3:48 pm
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Dear Creator,

I am so confused about everything these days. It feels like there is a huge void inside of me. A hole that maybe can’t be fixed. Where have you been? I believe in you Creator, but where have you been? I try to talk to you all the time, every day, I need help so badly. Can’t find that help in other people. I can’t find it in myself alone. What am I doing wrong? Why can’t I feel hope, peace, love, freedom? Where are you Creator? Where are you all those hours I am praying, crying, and so confused I don’t even have words. The anguish feels like it should kill me alone, and I am surprised it doesn’t. They hurt everything about my relationship to you, and to myself. I loathe myself, and I don’t really understand why. I can’t trust, can’t let love in, can’t assume the best of humans… I want to know you Creator. Other people talk about their relationship with you, and I just feel….empty. Unlovable. I don’t know if you, or anyone/anything is even there. I sometimes I think I am crazy when I pray because there is no creator, not who loves me anyway.  They perverted and confused everything about spirituality, and nothing makes sense anymore. I am exhausted. If you are there Creator, why can’t I feel you? What is wrong with me?

 

I will never forget this sweet girl and her little sister October 19, 2013

November 28, 1994- October 21, 1998

I will be lighting a candle for Rebecca on the fifteenth anniversary of her murder, this Monday, October 21. It will burn all day and into the night. I had an idea, that if any of you would also like to light a candle for Rebecca and all the other child victims of ritual abuse, we might have a lot of candles for her this year… It would be amazing to hear if any of you are interested in doing this with me, and also maybe we can share our experience a little bit. Every year I remember Rebecca on my own in a special way, but it would be amazing if other people remembered her and her story with me. She is in a better place. I know Rebecca is ok now, but this day has become, for me, a day to also remember the other children who have suffered and died at the hands of monsters. Thank you so much everyone! Rebecca’s beautiful smile must be so much brighter wherever she is.
Love, Cherish Freedom

 

Mormon Tithing Slip October 12, 2013

Filed under: Ex-Mormon,Mormonism,Photos — cherishfreedom @ 9:32 am
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Mormon Tithing Slip

What is the world coming to??? How is a CULT still trying to run U.S. government? I’m scared….

and what does Perpetrual mean? Lmfao

 

“Sacred Grove” Tree

Filed under: Ex-Mormon,Mormonism,Photos — cherishfreedom @ 9:31 am

I LOVE YOU TREES!!!!!

 

Joseph Smith- Founder of Mormonism

Filed under: Ex-Mormon,Healing,Mormonism,Photos — cherishfreedom @ 9:30 am

Joseph Smith- Founder of Mormonism

This is a revered painting in Mormonism…. showing Joseph Smith (age 14) in the “Sacred Grove” in NY State. God and Jesus appeared to him and told him that all of the religions of the world were false and he was chosen to bring God’s “One and ONLY True Church” to the world.

We’re fucked…..

 

Making Moms Evil December 11, 2012

Filed under: Abuse,Ex-Mormon,Mormonism,My Story,PTSD,Ritual Abuse — cherishfreedom @ 4:07 pm
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Grieving for my mom, for never having a mom, for the abuses and the betrayals and the neglect. She was not a mom, was never a mom, could never be a mom, was never allowed to be a mom, was never capable of being a mom. And all I needed was a good mom. And what I need right now is a mom, but its way too late, that will never happen. And I am so full of rage and grief and hatred at my mom and my family but mostly right now at the Mormon church and the cult within it- the cult I was raised in and my mom was raised in and my grandparents were raised in… Women mean nothing to them…. we mean less than nothing, we are not human, we are baby-makers. How can women be good moms if they are not allowed to even be human beings? Then, in the cult, they are hurt and abused and tortured since birth, forced to get married and have their own children, only to torture them and keep them in the cult and in the cycle.

 

It is not totally my mom’s fault… I know it isn’t…. I still hate her, still have flashbacks and memories and nightmares. Her cruelty and manipulation still went above and beyond… Forgiveness is a long way off… in fact I have been having new memories (or memories I haven’t thought about in a LONG time) about my mom’s abuses, which are fucking me up hardcore…

 

But the Mormon church and the cult are the ones who do not allow women to be humans. Who force them to hurt their children. Who force them to marry and have too many children. Who give no value to them other than as wives to men and mothers to children (but how can they ever be good mothers if they are not allowed to be full humans, full women, and equal to men as we supposedly are??).

 

My mother tortured me. She abused me in every way possible, and she is evil, what they did to her turned her evil and into something less than human. They took her soul. I hate her, but I hate the Mormon church and the cult more, because those institutions are what has allowed all the abuse in my life to happen. They turned my mother evil, she wasn’t born that way. They tortured her so much that she broke, and part of her soul left and she turned evil and has caused pain and grief ever since. And years later, what they did to her, and what she did to me is haunting me, haunting me haunting me….All the fucking time…. I wish I could go to sleep and not wake up. I wish I had a real mom…