This journey is so rough. Finally I have let the biggest secret of my life out, that there is not only one part inside me, and there are moments when it feels amazing and so relieving, but other moments when I get so terrified again that bad things will happen because we are starting to talk about this truth. We have been so scared to talk about it forever because any time we have hinted about it to anyone in the past, or talked about it generally it seems people get so uncomfortable or don’t believe that DID exists, or just don’t understand it at all so don’t want to hear about it. We have been dealing with this alone in our own head for many many years, and the only guidance we have gotten has been from our own research and from a very small group of people on the internet who are also DID (although even with them we didn’t admit we actually had alters too….). Letting this secret out, especially in the art work is very scary, but it is also very empowering too. I have been shocked this week at what supportive responses I have gotten from the people I have told.
The one thing we still wish we had soooo badly is a real person, here, in real life, who has experience with this, who can help explain and help us understand it all and work through it so it is not so difficult to handle day to day. All of the work that is happening to heal and deal with the anorexia, alters, and ritual abuse is being done alone, in our own head and its so hard and so exhausting. I wish so badly that there were therapists around who would be able to truly help us delve into all of this. All of the alters want desperately to heal, and are ready for it, but we can’t do it alone… We don’t want to put too much on our friends or make them too upset by talking about it, but we need someone we can really speak the honest TRUTH to, and have no on like that who lives near us. We have our friend Jeanne Sarson in Nova Scotia who works with survivors of Ritual Abuse and all sorts of torture and she is AMAZING, but we can only talk on the phone and by email and that is just not enough anymore…
I want to thank everyone who reads my blog and comments on it, it is so incredibly validating to know that so many people care about my story. Even though I don’t always respond to all the comments I read every one, and they make me feel better, so thank you!!!! My blog and my art work are my way of healing right now because I don’t have an expert therapist yet.
I am still working hard on myself. Working so hard on communicating on the inside with all the alters, and trying to figure out how to make them all feel safe and not be self-destructive anymore. Every day is a struggle but we are all just taking it minute by minute, hour by hour and that is working for now. Since the secret about the alters has finally come out, most of them feel better because they are FINALLY being acknowledged, and that is good progress I think. Not sure how people deal with healing from ritual abuse when they have alters at all, I am feeling lost in this respect, but I am holding out hope that good help and support will come soon….
Cassie (one of the alters)
Cherish Freedom 
There are good therapists out there that should be able to help you cope with all you’re going through. You shouldn’t have to go it alone. (And, you’re not really alone, because we, your readers, are here. Sending you thoughts of peace.
I hope you can find a therapist who can support you through this too. I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with so much invalidation from people – but you won’t get that here xx
First of all, I really love your artwork. Especially those crows!
It might be possible to find a knowledgeable therapist. And certainly there are lots of Internet resources for multiples. Write me at rahome@ra-info.org for suggestions, if you are up for it.
I really understand this. I only began to talk about my ritual abuse about 6 years ago, when I decided to try and write a book. Oddly enough, I avoided doing this and then when my mother died in 2007, I started writing. It backfired on me. Emotions swept me into night terrors, deep depression, the worst migraines and hypersensitivity. I spent days without the lights on, moving around the house by candlelight. I couldn’t take any light at all. I was angry that my mother had died, and I would never, ever have the answers I needed. I was angry that I never had the guts to ask her what really happened in some of those rooms. to have black memories is the worst. it is the worst chasm. especially when the flash memories are so horrific. I have just, this month, for the first time, started working with a therapist. My first question to her was asking her what she felt about the false memory society. If she was for it, I would have walked out. Hey, this is a slow process. We’ll get through it the best way we know how. Someone told me recently, “Vennie, if you could see your spiritual resume, you’d understand how prepared you are for this journey.” I believe, and maybe it helps me to exist to believe this, that part of my purpose in suffering as I did as a child was to be able to stand here now, survived and strong, uncovering the horrific Satanic practices which are being sold to the world as Religion. So in that, I find much strength.