Cherish Freedom

My Healing Journey From Mormon Ritual Abuse To Freedom

Being Multiple Means Keeping Secrets February 20, 2013

Filed under: DID,Healing,My Story — cherishfreedom @ 8:02 pm
Tags: , ,

You know what really sucks? That almost everyone in the world who isn’t multiple seems to be scared of us who are. Maybe they aren’t scared of the idea of it, in fact most people seem to be fascinated by it and want to learn about it. But actually learning that someone they know is multiple scares them quite a bit. And if they actually see the alters, and realize that they are alters (ESPECIALLY if the alters introduce themselves and act “weird”- meaning too far outside of “normal socially acceptable behavior”) then most of them will totally freak out and go running and screaming in the opposite direction…. It’s no wonder people like me, multiples, keep their alters a secret from almost everyone they know….

My alters are so frustrated right now by this reality. They want so badly to come out, to be acknowledged by at least some people, and to be called by THEIR names, not the name that was given the body at birth… There is the core part still called by that name, but there are more than 12 others, and we all want to be heard and validated. We have started the process and we don’t want to have to pretend anymore!!!

Today one of our child alters came out and she was very happy and excited. She wanted to play but our cat was really bothering her. To make a long story short, one of our neighbors saw her, recognized that something was amiss, and she told them her name, Anna…. It scared this woman quite a lot. She says everything is fine now and we have talked about it and I believe her that everything is good. But we are all scared, and we just know that we can’t be obvious at all when we come out. We are fairly good at that, we have been practicing our whole lives, but we WANT TO BE OURSELVES!!!! And our living situation is one in which we run into people regularly, even when we are trying to avoid others….

I think the hardest part for us will not beĀ dealing with all of the part of US, but dealing with the outside world in a way that feels safe and ok, while still being allowed to be authentic and happy…. We don’t want to keep secrets anymore, we don’t want to tell lies to pretend we are not multiple anymore…Many of us want at least some people to know our names and who we are- our likes and dislikes, what we have been through, how we help each other and work together…. Just DON’T WANT TO KEEP SECRETS ANYMORE!!!!

And being multiple means you have to keep lots and lots and LOTS of secrets……

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Dragonfly Haida Design

Filed under: Uncategorized — cherishfreedom @ 9:09 am

Dragonfly Haida Design

I also love dragonflies!! They are beautiful, mystical and strong. I am proud of this drawing.

 

Eagle

Filed under: Uncategorized — cherishfreedom @ 9:07 am

Eagle

This is based on a Pacific Northwest Coast native art design of an eagle, and the colours usually used in this type of art are red and black. I actually drew this picture when I was incarcerated in the psych ward. Eagles are extremely powerful to the native people and there is a lot of symbolism in this drawing.

 

Spirit Guide Crow

Filed under: Uncategorized — cherishfreedom @ 9:02 am

Spirit Guide Crow

Here is my absolute favorite drawing of a crow that I have done. I love doodle drawing because every little doodle that I make has some meaning to me. I hope you like it too!!!

 

Happy Crow

Filed under: Uncategorized — cherishfreedom @ 9:00 am

Happy Crow

The Crow/Raven is my favorite bird and one of my favorite animals ever. I always watch and talk to crows and the crow is one of my animal spirit guides (I follow and believe strongly in Native spiritual practices). This drawing makes me feel happy because the crow looks happy!

 

Hope Self Portrait

Filed under: Uncategorized — cherishfreedom @ 8:57 am

Hope Self Portrait

I drew this picture on my last birthday as a reminder to myself of my hope for healing and a better life!

 

Secrets are Secrets Forever…

Filed under: Uncategorized — cherishfreedom @ 8:55 am

Secrets are Secrets Forever...

This drawing is about my cult conditioning and programming to never ever tell about what happened to me, or anything about the ritual abuse-torture group. “Remember who you are and who loves you” is a cult trigger phrase which sounds harmless but actually is taught to children, and when the abuser says this, is a reminder not to tell outsiders anything. In this drawing, the figures in the background represent demons.