Cherish Freedom

My Healing Journey From Mormon Ritual Abuse To Freedom

Song I’ve Been Listening to Over and Over… July 29, 2012

Filed under: Healing — cherishfreedom @ 6:36 pm
Tags: , ,

Riot– Three Days Grace

(lyrics and youtube link)

If you feel so empty
So used up, so let down
If you feel so angry
So ripped off, so stepped on

You’re not the only one
Refusing to back down
You’re not the only one
So get up

Let’s start a riot, a riot
Let’s start a riot
Let’s start a riot, a riot
Let’s start a riot

If you feel so filthy
So dirty, so fucked up
If you feel so walked on
So painful, so pissed off

You’re not the only one
Refusing to go down
You’re not the only one

Let’s start a riot, a riot
Let’s start a riot
Let’s start a riot, a riot
Let’s start a riot

If you feel so empty
So used up, so let down
If you feel so angry
Just get up

Let’s start a riot, a riot
Let’s start a riot

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bxyzmGQPIFs

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Blogging is my Voice

Filed under: Healing — cherishfreedom @ 9:02 am

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my blog, and it  has become a very powerful thing to me. When I started it I never realized how powerful it really is, to me and even to other people. It has been triggering many emotions in me lately, and I needed to stop blogging for awhile partly to figure out if this is something I wanted to continue. However, I have come to the conclusion, that I need this, it is my VOICE and honestly, it is one of the only ways I have to speak up and be heard.

 

I know that at some point (if it has not already happened) my family and mormons from my past will read this, and recognize who I am by my writings. I am done being silenced by them. I don’t care what they say behind my back anymore, to themselves. I don’t care about their petty gossip in the church hallways. I don’t care that they call me crazy and say I’m going to hell. I don’t care that they disown me. I don’t care that they say its all lies. If any of those people have anything to say to me, they are free to do so. But I know they won’t because they are cowards and can’t face me.

 

So I will write my story and expose this. I am not afraid anymore. I know that through my blog, people are being educated, and people are being touched. Thank you so much to those of you who read and give me feedback, it means a lot to me to know that people are reading and thinking about what i am writing. Thank you to all my friends for being there for me…I’m gonna keep writing!!!

 

Quotes Above My Kitchen Table… July 28, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — cherishfreedom @ 9:53 am

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These people have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people…do not just happen.”

 

“Your life is a sacred journey. And it is about change, growth, discovery, movement, transformation. Continuously expanding your vision of what is possible, stretching your soul, learning to see clearly and deeply, listening to your intuition, taking courageous challenges at every step along the way. You are on the path exactly where you are meant to be right now… And from here, you can only go forward, shaping your life story into a magnificent tale of triumph, of healing, of courage, of beauty, of wisdom, of power, of dignity, and of love.”       — Caroline Adams

 

Mormon Ritual Abuse-Does Anybody Care??? July 24, 2012

Filed under: My Story — cherishfreedom @ 9:11 pm
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I tell my story over and over and over again because I hope and pray that someday, someone will hear it and actually DO something about it. I tell my story not for me, but for the hundreds, and maybe thousands of children (and now adults) who are and have been abused within the mormon church, and have never been able to tell their own stories. I tell my story because for some reason, I have always had the words to speak about the abuse, unlike some victims of the mormon ritual abuse-torture. I tell my story because it is so WRONG that pedophiles are allowed to hide behind a so-called “religion” in order to have children, only to torture and abuse them, and raise them to have their own children which they are meant to torture and abuse. I tell my story because I hope and hope and hope….that telling my story maybe, one day…might help one of the other little girls like me—who are trapped and scared, and trying to escape.

 

I have been telling my story, in one way or another for 20 years. I am soooo tired of telling my story to so many people, and having NOTHING be done about it…. I am haunted every day by the faces, voices, and cries of the children I know are still trapped within the mormon ritual abuse group that I have finally escaped. Sometimes I think about going back, because I can’t see how I am helping them here and now… Telling my story to people here, to outsiders like police, journalists, child welfare authorities, health care workers….none of it yields any results for the victims who are still trapped, including many of my family members. I think sometimes that if I went back maybe I could at least comfort some of those little kids, or run away with them. Why am I here, safe, and they are still trapped and being tortured and abused? I dont always want this…I don’t feel like I deserve to be safe when they are not. And how can I rest and be at peace if I cannot help them too???

 

I thought that when I got away and told the truth that people would care and help me DO SOMETHING!!! This is horrible right?? Little kids are being hurt, people should care about this right? People should protect little kids and save them if they’re being hurt, RIGHT???? The world doesn’t work like that, and I really hate the world on days like today…

 

How am I supposed to make people take action? First they want me to prove it…but if they automatically disbelieve me because it sounds too crazy then where does that leave me? Where does that leave those little kids? Fuck I feel like giving up, I don’t know how to prove this whole thing… I wish I knew where the other survivors were, I know there are others like me out there, but they are probably like me too–in hiding and just trying to survive and get on with their lives. They have probably also been shut down by cops and authorities of all types. And their families and people around them have probably also tried to make them look crazy for a long time too… I don’t know the answer to any of this.

 

All I know is this… I tell my story because I think people should know that within the mainstream Mormon church, there is a group of people that ritually abuse and torture kids and women. Their own children, their own wives. I need to clarify, they are not satan worshippers (as it says in the Pace Memo–the Pace Memo says a lot of things that are not entirely accurate). These people are simply evil as far as I can tell. They are evil and they are pedophiles. And they have a great cover, the mormon church is huge, is a “family oriented religion” with a LOT of kids to abuse….The mormon church has a LOT of money, to pay people off if they try to expose the abuse (I know for a fact the mormon church has paid people off to avoid publicity in abuse cases). And the mormon church has a LOT of strange beliefs which are twisted and contorted in order to terrify and control, and use in the ritual part of the abuse. Not all mormons are involved in the ritual abuse and not all mormons know about it. BUT WITHIN THE MORMON CHURCH THERE IS A LARGE GROUP OF PEOPLE INVOLVED IN RITUALLY ABUSING CHILDREN.

 

I was one of these children. I am not being abused anymore. But children are still being abused by them every day. And I feel like the world doesn’t give a shit. And I fucking hate the world for it…..

 

Flooding Memories July 19, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — cherishfreedom @ 4:13 pm

Flooding, flooding, flooding……I haven’t been able to write because there is too much going on… Too many memories, too many years, too much abuse. Too many people I’ve tried to tell and been ignored. Too many times I’ve told my story and been silenced, eventually realized that telling my story was doing no good, so I stopped talking. When I stop talking and I stop writing and I put on a happy face it’s not because everything is ok! Its usually just because I am sick of talking about it and feeling like I’m talking to walls instead of people…

There have been so many things that have happened in the last couple of months to make me hopeful, but it seems like I get too hopeful… maybe I am just too impatient, but it has been a long time that I’ve been waiting…  I’ve found out a lot of new information about my own history and family recently as well. Its making me crazy that there is no justice and i can’t stop the abuse…

I have not forgotten my blog, I think about it everyday, but I am overwhelmed. It is not that I have nothing to say, I have too much to say. If I start to write and let it out, will I ever be able to stop?