I have been forced to keep so so many secrets throughout my entire life, and there is one secret that has been extremely hard for me… and I just can’t keep it anymore. I have always been afraid to talk about this secret because I am scared people won’t believe me, won’t understand, will think I am lying, or will think I am crazy. But this secret is real and it is the truth. And it is coming up so very much in the past little while, I can’t keep it inside any longer. I have to be so careful how and who I talk about it with, but I refuse to be silent about it anymore, and honestly I really can’t be silent about it anymore, I don’t think it is possible…
So here it is…. I have othere “parts” or “alters” inside of me. Those are the terms I like to use the most, which make me feel the most comfortable. Not “pieces” or “personalities” please. I have not been formally diagnosed by a doctor with DID because I haven’t talked to any mental health professionals about it, it hasn’t been safe. But I have been aware of it for years, although it has always been confusing and frustrating to deal with all alone, and I have tried to push it away and pretend its not real. When that never worked I just got quite good at hiding when my alters switched so that most people in my life have never caught on to the fact that this is my reality every day (except when I am too medicated that I am a zombie).
Anyway…. this is the beginning of my secret coming out. I don’t know how much I will be able to share or write about it on my blog because of safety issues, but I have been feeling like I am going to explode with the pressure of keeping this secret inside for so long. I hope you understand…. Please feel free to comment and ask questions if you don’t understand and want to try. Thank you for reading, this has been very empowering to write.
C.F.
Your courage is inspiring. You developed a mechanism to keep you alive during an unimaginable time in your life. It served you well at the time, and not so much anymore. But you can’t fix what you don’t acknowledge….so kudos to you for taking a big step.Many people with DID learn to live quite well without ever integrating. Keep on going.
((warm hugs)) you are not alone. I will follow your blog and give you support as you need it. I understand completely. I am a survivor of religious ritual abuse as well. If you need to talk, please reach out. There is support and love there for you. <3
Good on you for letting the secret go. Best wishes going forwards!! xx
It took a lot of courage from both you and your parts to post this. I am so hopeful for all of you to begin working together in building your new life. This is truly wonderful.